There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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