thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
