I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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