He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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