do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're a waste of cheezeits
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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