Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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