You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
