bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
