im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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