Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
