woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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