I heard we made out
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
