All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
