yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
