Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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