Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
