i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
