That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
