basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
