happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
