to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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