I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I did not marry a roomba.
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