I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
