I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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