My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize