Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Is it penis luge time yet?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I need moral support for this bender
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
