Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
