Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
