Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
