sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
