Yo dont text me then not text me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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