Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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