Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize