Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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