I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
