Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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