i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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