We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
