I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
