Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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