so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
