you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
