brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
