It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
