i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
