so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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