I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize