Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
