Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
