People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Less talking, more tequila
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize