would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
