Me too!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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