There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
