Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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