There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
