even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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