we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
