I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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