I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I have post one night stand depression
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
