She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
