when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize