Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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