You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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