im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize