remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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