What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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