i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Don't make out with my wife yet
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
pray to the hookup gods
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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