i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
