Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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