I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
