Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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