May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
