There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
