Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
