2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
