I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
