tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
