The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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