YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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