you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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