i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
