fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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