he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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