If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
