I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His hands were made for my vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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