Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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