I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
