My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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